How To Be a Player

Three ways to review How To Be a Player starring MTV VJ Bill Bellamy:

As a cinematic work: first-time director Lionel C. Martin has an annoying knack for stopping the action after every joke, as if he were waiting for the laugh track. This does tell us when we're supposed to laugh, but the movie gets a tired sit-com feel. Bellamy, who's usually so remarkably talented at introducing music videos, is bland as a leading man. Gilbert Gottfried embarrasses himself more than usual in the minor role of an undersexed doorman. Overall, Player makes the comic pacing of Good Burger seem Chaplinesque.

As social criticism: Bellamy is a player, which means he beds all the ladies. That doesn't mean that he has a personality or a good sense of humor. It's just that, according to this film, most women are incredibly stupid and thus fall for his so-called charm and sleazy ways. The only woman who gets upset is a) his sister and b) rather fat.

Impressionistically: I was, thanks to a bladder at full capacity, frustrated that I couldn't enjoy the many nude scenes. At the Harbour Mall, Showcase (Seekonk only), and Tri-Boro cinemas.

-- Mark Bazer