No hose job

Well, it looks like years of bulk-buying those calendars with hunky firefighters posing in only their boots and helmets and showing off their hoses has paid off for Phillipe and Jorge. The Providence Firefighters Association is asking in their new contract that full-time "domestic partners" of the bravest be given health benefits, even if they happen to be of the superior persuasion. All that's needed now is City Council approval, but since the laborers' and teachers' unions already have that clause, it should swan its way right on through.

Given that the Bud-I was quoted as saying he thought this was a great idea -- and "I've been a very strong supporter of the gay and lesbian and transgendered community" -- perhaps he will suggest that the police also add the domestic partners' provision to their contract. That would definitely be a gimme, as City Hall has been rolling over for the men and women in blue for time immemorial. Also, were Hizzoner to suggest that they be covered under La Prov's big tent, it might take the onus off any superior individuals on the rather homophobic PPD to come forward with the suggestion.

Congrats to the firefighters on a mighty step forward. You can slide down our poles any time.

Goodnight, Sparky

Charlie Mauran came from McGovern's bar
Wore reflectors and slept in abandoned cars
He ran across Route 95, no one knew if he'd come back alive
We said, "Hey Charlie, take a walk on the East Side"
-- From "Take a Walk on the East Side," the Fabulous Motels' parody of the Lou Reed classic

Old-timer habitues of the legendary McGovern's and Leo's watering holes will have their flags at half-mast, along with Phillipe and Jorge, after the death of Charles J. "Sparky" Mauran, who passed away at age 89. The King of Burrillville, who always advised that he couldn't go back there because of an affair with a woman, the details of which couldn't possibly be revealed, was a fixture at Providence's finer drinking establishments, as long as they featured a 25-cent draft.

Sparky was always eager to chat, even if he couldn't recognize you. After John Rector, overlord of Leo's, became his legal guardian to help Sparky with his health and lodging problems, Charles J, simply greeted everyone by saying, "Hey, John!"

Sparky was duly famous for his acumen at checkers, even though he habitually cheated, even though he didn't have to. Jorge recalls one match with a Brown professor on a lazy Saturday afternoon when the professor caught Sparky making an illicit move and began lecturing him on board game ethics. While the professor chastised the unconvinced master, Sparky managed to make a couple of other moves unseen by the exercised don.

Anyone who ever met Sparky has at least one hilarious or heartwarming tale to tell. It's impossible to forget, too, the jagged but ever-present laugh he'd let out after telling the stupidest joke imaginable.

Hey, John, what's the capital of Nebraska? The first cold one in heaven's on us, St. Peter. Thanks for the memories, Sparky.

Enema of the people strikes again

Folks traipsing about downtown Providence may have noticed the leafletting going on outside of FleetBoston's central office. Basically, it's the same old story (updated in this week's Phoenix). Cleaning and maintenance workers at Fleet, which started contracting out the work back in 1991 (a contract currently held by Eastern), are being asked to tighten their belts once again for the privilege of cleaning up after Terry Murray and company. Three days before their old contract was about to expire, Eastern offered the custodial staff a substantial increase in their health insurance costs, a cut in vacation and pension benefits, and the elimination of four positions. If this is what success means in the banking industry, who needs it?

Ralph at the State House

Usually a headline like this would be interpreted as someone barfing at the latest shenanigans of the General Assembly. In this case, though, it's to alert you die-hard dissidents that Ralph Nader, noted consumer advocate and presidential candidate of the Green Party, will be visiting the Biggest Little Monday, May 15. He'll be holding court in the rotunda of the big marble building next to the mall with a press conference and Q&A session from noon to 2 p.m.

National Green Party officials say Nader is currently polling 5.7 percent in a Zogby poll, better numbers than the other well-known third-party candidate, the odious Pat Buchanan of the Reform Party. The immediate hope of the Greens is to raise at least $5 million nationwide to qualify for federal matching funds.

Beyond that, the Rhody Greens, with a high-profile candidate like Nader anchoring the ticket, would like to attract enough support at the polls to qualify as legitimate third party, in much the same way that the Cool Moose did. Those folks pained by the lack of straight talk from Gore and Bush might want to check out the liberal crusader on Monday.

Goodbye, Martha

Phillipe has been giddy over the treatment being given to anal ice queen Martha Stewart since her announcement in the New York Times Magazine that she's leaving Westport, Connecticut -- P's hometown while growing up -- because her neighbors were so unfriendly and the town has become so precious. She mewled about getting the door slammed in her face when she went over to people who lived nearby with trays of cookies. Ooooh, what vicious creatures!

Obviously, this has been a cause for joy for Westporters, who have made a large going-away card for Martha with some less-than-flattering remarks inked on it. Meanwhile, a neighbor added some interesting insight about why such an warm, outgoing and kind woman, who sought only basic social and civic courtesy, might have felt a bit estranged in Westport: "I'm sorry that Ms. Stewart never knocked on my door. Since her property was gated and electronically sealed, I could not knock on her door to offer her an invitation (to a party)." Ta-ta, Martha. It's a good thing.

Kudos and congrats

. . . to Bert Crenca, Lizzie Araujo and all the fine folks at AS220 for all the swell events last week, culminating in Saturday night's Fool's Ball on Empire Street. Cuban cuisine and four bands headlined the ball while a host of Vo Dilun artists and notables danced the night away. Nice to see show biz couples Tim Daly and Amy van Nostrand, and Michael Corrente and Libby Langdon out and about supporting the local arts scene. Of course, the omni-present Bud-I was there, as was Senator Jack Reed, who asked your superior correspondents if they are reading the new Groucho bio by Stefan Kanfer.

When we answered in the affirmative and offered to pass the book along to Jack (a savvy movie fan), the senator demurred, explaining that his reading time is being spent on the new Frances FitzGerald tome, Way Out There In the Blue, about the continued funding of the Reagan-era Strategic Defense Initiative, despite a notable lack of any real results. Let's hope that some of Jack's Congressional colleagues are checking out the same book.

. . . to Patrick Kennedy and Caterina Bandini, who, as reported last week by the Boston Herald's gossip columnists, Laura Raposa and Gayle Fee, are an item. On Monday, the Other Paper made note of the relationship in its "Political Scene" column, adding that Caterina's sister, Gianna, is married to Patrick's mother's niece (and I'm my own grandpa). Bandini, a news anchor at Channel 7 in Boston, was, of course, a reporter at Channel 10 here in Providence during the early '90s, setting many a couch potato's heart aflutter. Needless to say, Channel 7 will not assign Bandini to any stories having to do with the Kennedys, which, considering the Boston TV news scene, must mean she'll be spending a lot of time on kitten-up-a-tree and roadside mishap stories.

. . . to the Rev. Jim Miller, executive minister of the Rhode Island Council of Churches, who was honored May 4 with "The Walter Cronkite Faith and Freedom Award" at the Yale Club in New York City. The good reverend was cited for his work in easing racial tensions after the Cornel Young Jr. shooting, and for promoting gay and lesbian rights in regard to Boy Scouts of America, both locally and nationally. P&J have known Rev. Miller for many years, and his intelligent but uncompromising approach to issues such as racism, gay and lesbian rights, improved education, and ethics in government, where he has been at the front of calls for reform at the State House, have made him one of our local heroes. It's wonderful to see his efforts recognized on the national stage.

---

The P & J archive

---