Republicans have more fun

Your superior correspondents were certainly thrilled to read about the state Republican Party's nominating convention, held June 28 at the Providence Marriott. Not quite thrilled enough to actually attend (we were too busy polishing doorknobs and reordering our socks drawer back at Casa D.), we did nonetheless give some thought to lurking about the Marriott bar -- aka the Willy Loman Room -- to spy on the goings-on.

In classic Vo Dilun Republican fashion, the convention nominated for Congress a couple of sacrificial lambs whom no one has ever heard of, and then moved to the main event -- the coronation of Linc Chafee as the party's candidate for US Senate. Good luck to Robert Tingle and Steve Cabral in their races for Congress. Although we expect they won't garner many votes, they'll at least be desperate enough as candidates to enliven the general election with wild charges and plenty of mud-slinging.

Meanwhile, the Linc-meister appeared via videotape to accept the nomination. Apparently, the sight of Linc on a big screen was enough to inspire supporters to break into a frenzied snake dance throughout the hall. Nothing like a conga line of pale Republicans to get the old ticker beating. But who can blame them? They must have been overjoyed to realize they actually have a bona fide candidate to send to Washington.

First mascot sighting of the season

A hearty pat on the back to Kate Coyne-McCoy, 2nd Congressional District candidate and Casa Diablo regular, for being the first office seeker in this election cycle to come up with the classic mascot gimmick. In the tradition of Ron Machtley's immortal pig, Les Pork, comes "Pill Bill," a walking, talking pill bottle, to dramatize the exorbitant prescription drug prices facing consumers, especially seniors.

Coyne-McCoy introduced the newest member of her campaign team during a June 29 press briefing outside the Cranston Senior Center, a spot that has proven as popular with politicos as the 1025 Club. Says Kate, "Pill Bill is a walking symbol of the over-sized cost of medicine. Pill Bill and I are going to talk to people all across Rhode Island's 2nd Congressional District about my prescription to curb drug prices: including a large dose of price controls to protect our families from drug company price gouging."

If you're wondering which member of the Coyne-McCoy entourage is Pill Bill, he'll be the guy encased in Styrofoam with the words "RX-Pensive" and "Exorbitol" (geddit?) across his chest. Hopefully, this will inspire some other candidates to come up with their own zany sidekicks. We especially urge Senate candidates "Little Richit" Licht, "Dorian" Weygand and Linc Chafee to consider a similar tactic, since none of them is exactly a walking charisma machine.

Swimming with sharks

A tip of the sombrero to the Citizens Bank ramrods, President and CEO Larry Fish and Vice President Mark Formica, who took to the waters outside San Francisco on June 10 to participate in the annual "Alcatraz Sharkfest Swim 2000." More than 800 swimmers from around the world swam the 1.5 miles from Alcatraz to Fishermans Wharf in the City by the Bay. By so doing, the Citizens' execs raised $11,000 for Amos House, the nonprofit shelter and food kitchen back in La Prov.

Of course, the waters near Alcatraz are notoriously cold and famous for their great white sharks. While it's nothing new for people in the banking industry to find themselves swimming with sharks, we wonder if good bankers Larry and Mark checked out the empty cells on Alcatraz to see where bad bankers go.

The scenario at City Hall

We weren't exactly startled to find out that Frank Corrente, Providence's former director of administration, has been indicted in the Plunder Dome investigation. Rumors that Corrente would be charged have been rife for months. Corrente, who served the Bud-I not only as his top aide for many years, but also as his campaign finance head, was heretofore known around Casa Diablo as the guy who, by wearing a worse rug than Hizzoner, gave the mayor a certain amount of sartorial cover.

Fans of the Plunder Dome probe undoubtedly salivated at the details printed in the BeloJo of June 30. Here's our fave excerpt: "Shortly after 2:30 p.m., reporters headed for the second-floor offices of Cianci and Artin Coloian, his chief of staff. Coloian peered into his office and saw a television news reporter and cameraman waiting.

"He sprinted into Cianci's office with reporters trailing closely behind.

"As reporters waited for Cianci to emerge from his second-floor office, the mayor exited through a private stairway and, outside, got into his Lincoln Town Car.

"When reporters went to Coloian's office, his secretary said that he, too, had gone for the day."

There's no truth to the rumors that the Bud-I was being spirited to his dry cleaners to check in on his jacket, which, we are assured, is still stainless. Nor do we believe Coloian will wear sneakers to the office now, in anticipation of the latest installment of extreme games due to hit the city in a little more than a month.

Yes, friends, this ordeal is far from over. The producers of the NBC soap opera Providence would do well to check out the current municipal turmoil and consider turning their sappy offering into a harder-hitting Law & Order clone for next season.

Dancin' with the one who brung us

As the Plunder Dome investigation continues, gossipmongers about the city are buzzing ever more loudly about the possible damage to the mayor. "Will he be indicted?" is the question on everyone's lips. But it should be noted that, no matter where the chips fall on this one, there's still something unseemly about the Urinal's premature sniping at the Bud-I's administration.

Other Paper editorial writer "Slow Eddie" Achorn penned an article months ago, begging the question why, with all the real and assumed shenanigans at City Hall, many Providence folk continue to support the Bud-I. It's really no mystery, nor does it mean that the people of Providence have given up and learned to live with corruption.

People around here are hoping and praying that the Bud-I is not involved, because it's clear he's been responsible for so much that is good about the city. There has been vision in his leadership, and that's not an easy commodity to come by these days. We don't for one minute believe the city will be bereft of strong leadership without him. There is too much talent around here to think that.

But with the Bud-I, we have seen energy, positive change and a vision of what the city can become, and the people of La Prov and Rhody are rightfully thankful for that. There's nothing wrong with wanting to continue to dance with the guy who brought us. And it was the Bud-I who, sometimes dragging us kicking and screaming, led us to this dance. Of course, if it turns out he got us here in a hot car, all bets are off. But we'll just have to wait until the VIN number has been thoroughly scrutinized.

The Blair Bitch Project

We'd like to alert you folks to another film from a director with Vo Dilun ties. Scott LaRose, a native comedian, has starred in and directed a 20-minute film spoof, called The Blair Bitch Project. While there have been a number of Blair Witch Project spoofs, one critic at the Sundance Film Festival (who's seen a lot of this kind of stuff) says Blair Bitch "is the one to see," and notes that a preview audience at Sundance "laughed continuously throughout."

The key is that LaRose enticed Linda Blair, that amazing cult genius, to co-star in the film with him. Naturally, one has to have seen the original Blair Witch to get this movie, but if you are one of those fools who shelled out good money to see the cheapo original, this even cheaper parody might be just the ticket for you.

LaRose's epic recently received the highest amount of money paid for a short bought directly for the Internet. He tells your superior correspondents that his work brought in five times its cost -- giving an idea of how low-budget this whole affair was. Apparently, about a month ago at the Cannes Festival, a German outfit secured the rights to exhibit LaRose's project in that country.

Look for this thing on the Internet, and get in on an authentic cult item created by yet another twisted Vo Dilunduh.

---

The P & J archive

---