Johnston -- what a joint

Yes, Johnston is, as Mayor William Macera put it last week, certainly unique. In a Vo Dilun election year in which all the excitement has come either from excessively over-the-top TV attack ads or Democratic Party squabbling in Cranston, we can always depend on Johnston to turn politics into comic opera.

At first, we were depending on Louie Vinagro, former disgruntled pig farmer and the Benny Hill of Johnston politics, to do all the heavy lifting. Louie has not disappointed. He got busted on a disorderly conduct charge last week for allegedly threatening an agent of the DEM. But it took the big guy, the former priest and college educator, Mayor Macera, to really liven things up and provide a plethora of material for February's Newspaper Guild Follies (this one's worth at least two songs and a skit, gang).

Let's see, the mayor says he's in the habit of taking evening drives over to that most romantic of Johnston tourist attractions, the Central Landfill. He supposedly does this to inhale the fetid air and monitor constituent complaints. On this particular evening, he was riding in the car of a good friend and political supporter, a school custodian who Macera bumped into at a public meeting. The police stop them, claim there's a strong odor of marijuana emanating from the car and that both the mayor and his pal appear to be likely inhalants. Later, they find seeds under the mat in the front seat.

Recent history between the Macera and the town's fire and police unions has led many observers to believe this whole stop could have been a set-up -- the pot planted, the entire episode a sordid escalation of the war between the administration and the police union.

Your superior correspondents, as always, see nefarious activity all over the place. We believe the worst from both sides. Yes, pot smoking was going on and, yes, it was a set-up, in the sense that the cops were tailing Macera, hoping to catch him in some sort of compromising situation.

The cast of characters here is truly rich. You've got the chief of police, Richard "Mr. Tamburini Man" Tamburini, one-time chauffeur to Frank Sinatra (a moonlighting gig when he was on the Providence P.D.), showing up to drive the mayor home, and then later, defending his officers' handling of the arrest. You've got the head of the police union in Johnston, John Nardilillo, who, under the name "Johnny Nardo" hosts a Sinatra show on the Wheeler School radio station, and is one of the parties involved in the internal Democratic battle in Cranston (after securing the party's endorsement over a sitting councilor he defeated in the primary, Nardo's running for a citywide council seat). He also held a little press conference after the mayor's arrest, demanding that Macera take a polygraph and drug test.

Yes, Johnston is unique and would make for a much finer TV show than the saccharine NBC soap opera Providence. Considering how Channel 6 just announced it's bumping up Judge Frank Caprio's underground cult hit Caught in Providence from public access cable to a network affiliate slot, Johnston could be the next sleeper hit. We expect Charlie Hall hasn't slept in a week while trying to figure out all the angles to this one.

Fuzzy math

After the snoozer first debate between Gore and Bush the other week, the real winner was Ralph Nader, who wasn't only kept off the stage, but excluded from entering the hall. And now, Ralph's numbers are starting to approach the magical 5 percent. Gore's annoying off-camera heavy breathing routine reminded Jorge of the behavior of Flora, the Casa Diablo dog, while straining at her leash to bag a squirrel. But a lot of folks were put off by the Wooden One's constant regurgitation of the fact that, under Bush's tax cut proposal, the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans get a tax break comparable to the funding for a variety of Gore programs. Bush's response was the typically tortured locution, "fuzzy math."

That mantra, like the entire debate, was staged for the benefit of those who haven't been paying attention. The fact is that Bush couldn't say the figures were inaccurate, because they're not. Here's why it matters: while the economy has been booming over the Clinton years, middle-class folks continue to struggle. The wealthiest people have been the prime, if not sole, beneficiaries of the economic expansion, and Gore's plan for targeted tax cuts seems only fair to your superior correspondents.

What good is the great economic expansion if only the yachts rise and the majority of boats continue to face choppy waters? Trickle-down economics don't work, and at least Gore (and Nader) are talking about plans that bring everyone on board. Those who believe across-the-board cuts is the only fair way are the same people who think laissez-faire economics are perfect. And they are wrong. Better fuzzy math than fuzzy opportunities.

Bad mouth

As noted above, the exclusion of Ralph Nader from the first Gore-Bush debate was disgusting, but it guarantees him a victory and the support of Casa Diablo. Every time this campaign season when one of these pathetic weenie-boy candidates dares to mention that the other is a lying sack of shit -- in so many, albeit far less blunt words -- it's called "going on the attack," and the affronted runs around in circles screaming and crying, like a six-year-old girl who got her pigtails pulled during recess, pointing at the other.

Both Alfred E. Dubya and Al "Fantasy Island" Gore doubtless know that when it comes time for tough talk, neither of them is the equal these days of Nader, whose demeanor and attitude indicate he's just effin' had it with every politician. A nice article in the Boston Sunday Globe pointed out some things that Nader has said about his opponents in other TV forums. And it doesn't involve "fuzzy math" or heavy breathing.

On Junior Bush: "I can understand why George W. Bush is for education. He needs so much of it." And as for Gore the Whore, Nader really unleashes the acid about how the Veep rewards corporations at the expense of people: "Where is Gore on this? He's is on his knees, that's where he is." Or how about, "Everywhere you follow the tracks of Al Gore, there is betrayal. This man doesn't know what it means to stand up and have some modicum degree of courage." Whew, would you kiss Tipper with that mouth, Ralph?

All in all, Nader just openly despises them both: "So don't give me this, Gore and Bush, that you are for campaign finance reform, but you don't want to unilaterally disarm. That is the demonstration of a political coward, a political knave, a political charlatan."

Okay, Ralph, but now tell us what you really think.

Gut shots

BeloJo executive editor Joel Rawson's extended "Here's Why" explainer in the October 9 edition, outlining and defending the decision to run the now notorious photos of a Palestinian father being wounded as his son shot to death by troops in Israel, was hardly necessary, think P&J.

As always, some people came screaming out of the woodwork to deplore a purported lack of taste in using the four-shot

sequence in which the boy was first ducking bullets and then murdered, as his father falls unconscious beside him. The fact of the matter is that it was a gutsy decision to use the photos, and Rawson, Sunday editor Tim Murphy, and picture editor and page designer Cecilia Prestamo, who all consulted on making this tough call, should be proud they did.

In our jaded age, real violence perpetrated on real people hardly raises an eyebrow. Our society is inured to atrocities by TV shows and films that glorify killing and mayhem. The problem is that although Bruce Willis and Mel Gibson keep coming back to fight again, the gut-shot Palestinian 12-year-old will not. Anyone who cares a wit about children, or humanity in general, should -- and must -- identify with this result of the inane fighting in the Middle East. If it moves anyone to start calling for more action to halt the conflict once and for all, running those photos will be worth it. Hold your heads up on Fountain Street.

As the saying goes, in the Middle East they are all guilty of the crime. Publication of those photos in the other paper merely reinforced that indictment for Vo Dilunduhs.

Kudos and congrats . . .

. . . to a friend who points out that Ayatollah Lieberman is beginning to resemble a Shar-pei, but could really improve his looks by tying a cute little bow on the top of his head like a Pekingese.

. . . to the owners of a bridal store featured in a weekend story about an American whose Chinese bride is currently being barred from the country. The now-distraught groom bought all her wedding presents at "Vow Wows," which naturally has its own chapel for one-stop shopping. Speaking of Lieberman, wow! Bow-wow! Urge your friends to register there for their nuptial gifts.

. . . to anyone who's wondering aloud where Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and David Stern, commissioner of the NBA, are when it comes to loudly protesting the gay-baiting, woman-bashing lyrics sung by Philadelphia 76ers star guard Allen Iverson on his new rap album. It would make as much sense to fine or suspend him, a la the treatment given this summer to John Rocker, the racist moron Atlanta Braves pitcher, after his bigoted remarks were printed in Sports Illustrated.

Iverson has issued a semi-apology, saying his CD wasn't intended for people under 21, and that it's simply a part of the trash-talking, drugs-and-violence street culture he grew up in. But Iverson will remain a part of that scene as long as this incredibly intolerant, misogynistic crap is recorded and sold to anyone, even adults. Funny how the sports world always seems to turn a very blind eye to violence against women, when it hops all over even slight racial slurs (of course, neither of which is acceptable). Perhaps Vince McMahon of the World Wrestling Federation, which promotes such uplifting concepts as "The Ho' Train" at his matches, would care to comment? Or you, Darryl Strawberry?

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