Not Keen-ey on staying

No surprise at Casa Diablo over Department of Environmental Management director Timothy Keeney's resignation last week in favor of a job back home in Connecticut. Keeney has always seemed a bit amazed at the attitude of the blowhards in Halitosis Hall toward DEM. He has been looking for an exit door since he arrived.

To suggest that he was chased out by the antics of the (state Rep. Brian) Kennedy Commission, a group of high-minded legislators currently involved in a witch hunt that would shame the Salem town fathers, is too extreme. A former Navy SEAL, Keeney is a big boy who can take care of himself in the political arena.

The most likely explanation is that he was appalled by the ignorance of his interrogators at the Kennedy Commission hearings, and rebelled at having to listen to a parade of morons and criminals comment on his department's performance.

Perhaps a public evaluation of the Kennedy Commission's flagrant abuses is in order as Governor Bigfoot (once again The Missing Linc when it came to defending his personal selection for the job) searches for Keeney's successor. Hey, how about Brian Kennedy? The EPA needs a good laugh.

Back to the cutting board?

The conga line of candidates for Flo Murray's seat on the highest bench in Little Rhody has queued up again, with stuffed shirt William Robinson jettisoned from the recent string and Maureen McKenna Goldberg sliding into his spot. The other Supreme Court candidates are Terry MacFayden, Lauren Jones, and P&J's personal favorite, Rogeriee Thompson.

Hey, we can understand the switch to Goldberg. Some connected insiders should be included. It's like the argument famed US Senator Roman Hruska made for people whose mediocre abilities matched his own -- they deserve to be represented, too.

The word through the superior grapevine at Casa Diablo is that if Governor Bigfoot wants to make nice-nice with House Speaker Pucky Harwood, he'll anoint Jones, whom Pucky seems to favor.

If this is done to appease the political power-tripping, gutter-crawling Smith Hill crowd that so savaged the candidacy of Meg Curran, it should turn the stomachs of all Vo Dilunders. Jones is well-regarded in the legal community and certainly deserves a fair shake, but Phillipe and Jorge still believe Rogeriee is the best choice.

Given that Jones has been so removed from the political fray in his career, it may surprise some people that he is Harwood's favorite son. The reason, we understand, is that Harwood's number-one pick failed to make it past the selection committee. We are, of course, referring to Tom Fay.

Acting like children

The recent flap over the Providence School Committee's election of a chairman was not so much a major gain for the city's schoolchildren as a slap to City Hall powerbroker Frank Corrente's face, which should make everyone's heart soar like an eagle.

The heavy-handed Corrente has been a controversial -- and often suspect -- figure in the Bud-I's administration for years, and despite Hizzoner's claims that City Hall never interferes with the School Committee, the deck is stacked so that what Corrente wants, Corrente gets.

In this case, Bob Bucci, Corrente's chief water carrier on the committee, emerged as his master's pick for the chairmanship.

Bucci can come across as arrogant and abrasive, but this didn't worry Corrente as long as Bucci did as told. In fact ol' Frankie actually arranged to have him elected in a secret ballot. And Bucci won over the reluctant but esteemed warrior Roosevelt Benton in a 5-4 vote.

P&J greatly admire Benton for his work on behalf of Rhode Island's youth, both on the School Committee and at the state Training School. But the demands of the latter reportedly weigh heavily on him, along with the controversies accompanying his role as School Committee honcho.

Unfortunately for Corrente, even Mayor Buddy "Vincent A." Cianci couldn't swallow a ruse as cheap as a secret ballot, and called for an emergency School Committee meeting to conduct an open ballot.

At the gathering, Corrente allegedly boasted that the Bucci votes were locked up, and Bucci's demeanor that night allegedly reflected his confidence in this -- despite numerous complaints about his operational style from the Providence community.

Parents and others voiced their displeasure loud and long. One person actually attended from St. Ann's, a parochial school that Bucci's child attends, and claimed that since Bucci had joined their board of directors, the principal had quit and others were disgusted with his high-handed manners.

When the vote finally came down, Bucci and Corrente were quite surprised when Benton was elected after one vote shifted from the secret ballot. Members of the public were ecstatic that for once, they were victorious over Corrente and City Hall.

The next morning, a rather exercised Corrente called the individual who had the noble change of heart and put the community before politics, P&J have been told. Shucks, Frank, are we a sore loser?

Observers are anxious to see whether former School Committee vice chair Bianca Gray actually begins her job as an education policy liaison for the Bud-I as scheduled on April 1. Could this more intricate and subtle piece of the School Committee deal-cutting suddenly disappear as part of Corrente's ire over Bucci's inability to rise to his prearranged seat at the top?

Quote of the week

Word of the arrest last week of a Smithfield veterinarian in an alleged murder-for-hire scheme reinvigorated the debate over secrecy in public records. Because veterinarian Floyd H. Graham is well-known in his community and because the case records were sealed by Superior Court Judge William Dimitri without explanation, there was much talk over whether the judge was unusually restrictive in his decision. Saturday's BlowJo featured a story by ace reporter and white-maned curmudgeon Tom Morgan, who sought opinions from a number of folks in the legal community.

Larry Ritchie, a member of the law faculty at Roger Williams University's Ralph Papitto School of Law, exhibited the wisdom of Solomon (Ant-knee Solomon, that is) by replying, "Sealing a record is not that unusual -- it's just that it doesn't happen that often."

Phillipe & Jorge, proud graduates of the Benny Woods School of Grammatical Exactitude, congratulate Professor Ritchie on his diplomatic answer and add that this is exactly the type of answer you always get from lawyers -- except you don't hear it that much.

Criminal masterminds

Contrary to local opinion forged by constant exposure to police reports in various newspapers across the state, not all the boneheaded criminal activity in the US occurs in the Biggest Little.

On trial last week for robbing a shoe store at knifepoint, Charles Taylor of Wichita, Kansas, walked into court decked out in a brand-new pair of hiking boots. When a law-enforcement officer checked out the kicks and found they matched the size, color, and lot number of goods stolen from the store, Mr. Taylor's fate was sealed, and he was led back to jail in his stocking feet.

Of course, Charley-boy hadn't helped his case any when he'd propped his feet up on the defense table.

Meanwhile, in Portland, Maine, Michael L. Hicks entered a convenience store and pointed a three-foot double-edged sword at the store's clerk, saying, "I'm thirsty." The clerk promptly called the police, and Hicks quickly fled, minus the soothing beverage he was seeking.

Hicks was quickly apprehended a few blocks away, however, since he'd made the fatal mistake of being naked at the time of the incident. Perhaps he was unaware that naked guys wielding three-foot swords in Maine during the month of March usually arouse suspicion.

P&J also feel it our sad duty to inform Mr. Hicks that Seven-Up no longer uses lithium in its soft drink formula.

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