Cooking the books

P&J have always had a great deal of respect for Colonel Edward Culhane, commander of the state police, a nice guy and thoughtful law officer. But we'll look askance at him as long as he still questions the results of legitimate studies which show that his troopers are pulling over drivers due to their skin color. The BeloJo recently revealed that 26 percent of drivers pulled over by the staties were minorities, versus an 8 percent total in the population -- facts that Culhane and Governor Bigfoot intentionally sat on when the issue was first raised in the media during the last legislative session. This time around, Culhane turned into Bill Clinton, questioning the figures and coming up with absurd explanations that didn't even pass the laugh test.

Hey, Ed, we're not saying you're the one out on the road flagging down any tinted person that drives by. But you'd do well to take the reports and figures seriously, instead of tap-dancing and wasting time by making up cheap alibis for your boys.

Experience is the best teacher

P&J were disappointed to hear that George Vose, head of Vo Dilun's Department of Corrections, has decided to hang up the cat o' nine tails and to go to work in the private sector. Heading the DOC is a thankless job, but Vose managed it well during his tenure, and the Biggest Little will be hard-pressed to fill his shoes.

But as responsible citizens who are always looking to to make our little land a safer place to live, may we suggest an excellent replacement for Vose? Of course, we know that many of you have already come up with the same idea, so it will be no surprise that we are nominating former Governor Ed "Gerber Baby" DiPrete for the job. Not only would this help get around all those pesky regulations that have caused such havoc in getting the Gerb into a work-release program, he wouldn't even have to leave the ACI to handle this gig. Obviously, the Gerb's managerial skills and intimate knowledge of the workings of the big house make him a prime candidate for the job. And if Attorney General Sherbet Whitebread continues his resolute pursuit of the money that changed hands while the Gerber Baby was in office, DiPrete might soon have nearly his entire staff serving at the state's pleasure and available for low-cost help in running the Cranston enclave.

Who really needs tax relief?

We've seen the anecdotal stories about the massive salaries being paid to CEOs and executives while middle-income people continue to struggle with cut-backs and decreased benefits. Now it's time to look at some actual figures.

The latest statistics from the Congressional Budget Office are in, and the income disparity between Americans continues to widen. In Sunday's New York Times, a story analyzing the latest figures ("Gap Between Rich and Poor Found Substantially Wider") charts the economic chasm. As the national income has grown during these "boom years," the fact is that more than 90 percent of the increased income is going to the richest 1 percent of households. Further analysis shows that, since 1977, the bottom 60 percent have lost ground: the one-fifth making the least income lost 12 percent of the nation's income, while those in the highest one-fifth gained 38 percent. And the highest 1 percent increased their wealth at a rate of 119.7 percent.

Here's what these statistics indicate to your superior correspondents: The Reaganesque trickle-down approach doesn't work. As the tax burden has been lowered for the wealthiest Americans, the disparity in income has widened. In terms of "winners and losers," households in the lower two-thirds are losers, folks earning just above that are modest winners, and the big winners are those in the top one-fifth and especially the top one percent.

Now, we ask you, how will Republican-sponsored tax cuts, which inordinately favor the richest, positively impact everyone? The answer is, they won't, and will only serve to widen the gap. Some wonder why P&J look with increased skepticism upon the proposal, to provide increased tax relief for those earning over $200,000, being bandied about the General Assembly; One only need look at the numbers in the Times report to catch our drift. All boats are not rising, and new schemes that disproportionately benefit the wealthiest among us do not appear to be the answer.

Wasted time

After the Quonset/Davisville Management Corporation last week unanimously and predictably rejected the joke port proposal offered up by Quonset Point Partners, Economic Development Corporation honcho John "What Clean Water Act?" Swen suggested that QPP principals, Martin Grasso and Chip Norton, should not be subjected to ridicule for their failed attempt to jam their carpetbagging scheme down the throats of Rhode Islanders. Perhaps that's because Swen had a certain part of the Bankruptcy Boys' anatomy tickling his tonsils ever since the project was first floated. But P&J say, of course, these two clowns should be publicly humiliated for dragging the state through a review of a plan that was built upon lies, half-truths and evasions that cost the state, its officials and members of the public valuable time and money. In fact, P&J see it as our duty to make loud, sucking and farting noises in the direction of both of these shysters, as well as their hired hands, like flack David Preston, as all would have sold Narragansett Bay and the state down the river in a New York second, if they could have gotten away with it.

Wednesday's rejection of the QPP proposal was widely anticipated. Thanks to the courtesies paid by stakeholders, who opposed the initial port plan, Governor Bigfoot didn't take the public roasting he deserved for pushing the project behind the scenes as hard as Swen did. But Bigfoot still wants to throw in another port at Quonset, and try to to lure the likes of Pfizer into the Davisville part of the park. Given the lack of credibility the Missing Linc and "What Clean Water Act?" have achieved in dealing with this issue, it's doubtful any spin-off proposal will go forward until a serious look is taken at the big picture of development in and around the bay. Can you say "lame duck," guv?

Outrages

Not for a minute do we believe that Sally Dowling, chairwoman of the Board of Governors for Higher Education, didn't convey to URI President Bob Carothers that he was going to be deep-sixed. And not for a minute do we believe that the giant paw of Bigfoot is not fully occupied in this stupid little spat. Bob Carothers is not perfect, but he has done a wonderful job at URI. In his best moments, his leadership has been absolutely visionary. That a petty squabble with politicos threatens his reappointment is thoroughly outrageous. Carothers tenure has been marked by bold actions that have largely paid off. Compare the changes for the better at URI with the meek leadership provided by John Nazarian at RIC, where little has changed, and you'll see what we mean. Carothers deserves another three years, and we'd like to believe that URI deserves the kind of leadership he's been providing.

Meanwhile, in Cranston, the city is charging kids who wish to participate in school sports programs. Officials say the fee can be waived if kids or their parents go in and wail that they don't have the money. Isn't that cute? Sports programs are fantastic educational opportunities, and should be considered integral to any real school system. The "pay to play" fee is a disgrace.

Yellow kids

The always fascinating Sunday People column on page A-2 of the Other Paper suggested this week that drinking one's own urine is really catching on. Their evidence? Burnt-out, busted-up circus dog British actress Sarah Miles is reported to engage in this questionable activity for health reasons. She claims that it cured her hay fever and sinus problems. Although this may not qualify as the sort of massive empirical evidence one usually associates with a "trend" (don't we have to wait for Faith Popcorn to weigh in?), P&J are duly impressed enough to give this some serious consideration. We, however, have decided that if we're going to imbibe bodily fluids, we'd prefer that little extra kick. Therefore, your superior correspondents anxiously await a reply to the hastily prepared telegram we recently sent off, requesting donations from the Stone Temple Pilots.

Kudos and congrats . . .

. . . to everyone who is now paying attention to the need to do something with the old Jamestown Bridge, ranging from making it a fishing pier (which it is legally bound to become in the future) to part of a bike and pedestrian path. Still, as P&J. pointed out in this space a few weeks back, the bridge is NOT structurally sound. Underneath the water, a ridiculous predicament awaits some astute newsperson (if one still exists in Rhody) to point out on the air. Stop holding your breath, Mr. Ankner.

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