Charge it . . . er, we mean them

P&J are still tuckered out from hosing down the boudoir after the Invasion of the Body Snatchers from Massachusetts party last weekend, doing everything from polishing the mirror on the ceiling to putting three-in-one oil on the bedsprings.

The occasion for this wild soiree was John Swen, executive director of the Economic Development Corporation, lending us his state-issued credit card on the promise that we would no longer refer to him as John "What Clean Water Act?" Swen. Well, "Visa Boy" Swen's plastic ended up paying for everything from the hors d'ouevres to the band's horn section, as we got in the swing of how things work at EDC when the boys are given their own free lines of credit on the taxpayer's buck.

Kudos to the Urinal for its discovery that EDC's wing-tipped buccaneers have all the financial accountability of a 42nd Street pawnshop. Visa Boy actually had the arrogance to call the misuse of credit cards by his employees "ironic," which would actually mean that the EDC previously had a great reputation for financial acumen and responsibility, and this was a "Golll-eeee, Gomer!" mistake that baffled all the experts. Sorry, but that won't wash. Remember, it was Visa Boy and his cohorts who regarded the Bankruptcy Boys at Quonset Point Partners, the doomed megaport proponents, as fiscal role models after they went belly-up in previous deals, stiffed the government for hundreds of thousands in back taxes, and had liens attached to their property. Due diligence indeed.

(As P&J went to press, the Wall Street Journal reported that the Bankruptcy Boys and their partner in proposed environmental crime, the Seattle-based Stevedoring Services, are going to file a breach of contract suit against the state for at least $5 million. The B-boys say they're seeking compensation for everything they spent, from environmental studies to marketing proposals, before their port proposal was undermined by demands from the EDC and Governor Bigfoot that they produce signed financial commitments from shippers, not empty "letters of interest." The sought-after dollar figure may even go higher, a lawyer for Quonset Point Partners told the WSJ, as they are "still tallying the millions in damages." And Bankruptcy Boy Martin Grasso thinks he knows where to point the finger; the WSJ says "Grasso claims the state's demand was an excuse for the real reason the project failed: a confused administration and lack of political support." Geez, Linc and Visa Boy, thanks for letting this pack of hounds inside our State of Confusion in the first place -- great financial and character judgment.)

As BeloJo reporters keep digging into the EDC's indiscretions, it would be wonderful to see how many free meals were tossed around in regard to Quonset Point "meetings" (honk!), which included the Bankruptcy Boys, as one of the bills paid for the involvement of Almond campaign manager John "Monsieur Pompadour" Holmes. Given MP's own brushes with financial legerdemain, this is completely out of line. Perhaps M. Pompadour wanted to pick up some more financial magic that his business partners could try out on their clients, eh, Johnny?

It will be nice to see the results of Bigfoot's "investigation" into this affair, given the EDC claims that they couldn't have violated any policies on misuse of the cards since . . . wait for it . . . they don't have any policies! We would also like to learn more about Visa Boy's mysterious, top secret "Project Easter," for which he charged a number of restaurant meetings. We suspect it has something to do with Pfizer being lured to the Biggest Little, hence the multi-entendre rabbit allusion for the company that makes Viagra.

Finally, this is the second time in a year Visa Boy has made the Missing Linc look like an enormous horse's ass. We wonder how many more times Big Linc is willing to be pants-ed in public by his EDC chief before shipping him south on a container ship with an expired credit card.

Hail Freedonia!

Much is being made of moron lad George W. Bush's not knowing the names of the leaders of Taiwan, Chechnya, India and Pakistan when grilled by Boston TV reporter Andy Hiller last week. As Jeopardy! aficionados, P&J can't nail the answer on every topic, every time, (although we haven't missed giving the right question in 10 years in the fashion and gladiator movie categories).

But then again, we aren't running for president of the free world, and Shrub should know his foreign potentates. These things do come in handy at that level. Phillipe and Jorge are quite capable of screwing Kim Lee and Polly Pot, or whatever their names are, at a foreign conference, although we'd rather just stay in the car. But George W. aspires to a higher calling than that, and attracting the attention of a head of state by yelling, "Yo, pardner! Yeah, you with the greasy hair!" to the Indian prime minister, across a crowded ceremonial dining hall in New Delhi, may not be the way to make friends and influence people with burgeoning nuclear capabilities.

But the really frightening aspect of all of this is his off-hand, solicitous treatment of Pakistan's new president, General Kurrybreathzki, or whatever his name is, who came into power by virtually leaping over the palace wall and offering the previous government leader a choice of a luxurious vacation in foreign climes or a 9mm lobotomy should he decide to remain in office. Reason prevailed, and Gen. Goatsbodzkismell is now chief mahout.

Said Dubya, "It appears this guy is going to bring stability to the country, and I think that's good news for the subcontinent." Damn, just think of how impressed Georgie Boy would be by someone who could make the trains run on time? (And we won't even ask him which subcontinent he was referring to.)

PVD hosts INLGO

Next Thursday through Sunday (November 18-21), Our Little Towne is playing host to the 1999 Conference of the International Network of Lesbian and Gay Officials. Hundreds of delegates from near and far will be arriving at the Westin to develop public policy strategies, learn new skills and network with lesbigay public officials from all over the planet that we like to call Earth.

Anyone interested in the current state of affairs in the Superior World will want to check this out, as it will include a veritable all- star cast. Michelangelo Signorile, editor-at-large of The Advocate, will lead a discussion on how to deal with the thorny issue of outing closeted public officials; politicos Rich Tafel of the National Log Cabin Republicans and Mike Perez of the National Stonewall Democratic Federation will speak on how to gain support on public policy issues; and public officials from Germany, the Netherlands, Canada and the US will confront the issue of same-sex marriage. Expect to see such major figures as Tammy Baldwin and Barney Frank from the US Congress; Acting Assistant Secretary of Commerce Todd Dickinson; state Senator Tom Duane of New York; Netherlands MP Boris Dittrich; Tom Ammiano, president of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors; and our own state Representative Michael Pisaturo (D-Cranston).

This is a truly impressive convention, and your superior correspondents are proud that the organizers have chosen Providence to host it. The entire schedule of events and information about reservations, travel info and on-line registration is available at www.inlgo99.com. A warm welcome to all the conference attendees.

Short cuts

The I-Man cometh this Friday to the Biggest Little as Don Imus hosts his syndicated morning show, from 5:30 to 10 a.m. at the Westin in downtown La Prov. Needless to say, live audience seats are already sold out, but you can follow the action on B101-FM. Mike Montecalvo, Imus's producer at B101, tells us that the visit has already raised $12,000 for the Meeting Street Center. It will also come as no surprise that among the on-air guests will be the mighty Bud-I . . . the profile of Rich Lupo in Sunday's BeloJo contains the assertion that numerous residents of the Smith Building loft apartments have complained about late-night noise coming from the Met Café. Smith Building owner Arnold "Buff" Chace has used this as a prime argument about why Lupo should relocate. Your superior correspondents have talked to a number of the residents of the Smith Building and believe claims of complaints by residents are totally overblown. We suspect that maybe one resident has had a problem with nightlife noise, but all we talked with have no problem whatsoever . . . Rest in peace, George V. Higgins, celebrate author of The Friends of Eddie Coyle and a slew of other crime-based novels that were some of the "realest" writing about Boston's seamy underside ever committed to print. Years ago, he worked as a reporter for the Other Paper, and he never tired of taking little shots at his formeremployer. That alone proves that Higgins was a man of the people.

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