Missed connection

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m having a long-distance relationship with a man I’ve known for more than five years. He lives in Maine, and I’m in North Carolina. We’ve talked every day on the Internet for the past year, and I finally got to see him again during Christmas break, (we hadn’t seen each other in three years). During the three years, he has been with other girls, and I have been with other guys. After seeing him in December, I returned home, and we continued talking. We’ve discussed getting married and traveling, and have even said, "I love you."

The problem is, in the past few days, he’s been online off and on. When he’s on, he doesn’t say hello or he’s "away," and it’s the same when he’s at work. I’ve initiated conversations several times, but he’s given five-word answers and seems to have nothing to say. It just happened overnight and I’m afraid, because he’s supposed to visit in April.

It seems so unlike him to be silent. I know people go through funks, but I would think he would tell me what was bothering him. The only thing I can come up with is that he’s dating another woman and not letting me know. This would explain his being "away" and having no interest in me — wouldn’t it? Please help!

— Doubting Everything

Dear Doubting,

Through the three years in which you had no physical contact with your "long-distance boyfriend," a pattern was established in which you both had real intimate relationships with others. It would not be too difficult to believe your friend is still involved in that particular pattern. The problem is that even though you have been in communication with each other for five years, you have only spent time with each other once in the last three years. You need to set aside a substantial block of time that you can spend together, so you can get a better measure of each other. When you saw each other in December, you were both thrilled, no doubt, because it had been so long in coming, but perhaps the thrill has since faded a bit for him.

Dr. Lovemonkey assumes, since you mentioned "Christmas break," that you’re both students. It is important to realize that people at your age usually go through some profound changes. I’d suggest, therefore, that you really need to reconnect, in person and for a sustained period of time, before considering any sort of future together. You need to cut through the imaginary into the real to get a real grip on what your relationship is. Good luck.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

We had a group over last night to watch the Academy Awards and virtually everyone agreed with me when I made a comment about the clothes that the women (the men mostly wore tuxedos) were wearing. We wondered, why do some movie people dress so elegantly while others wear such shockingly wrongheaded attire? Are they that clueless?

My take is that too many stars hang out at the New York and European couture shows. Most of the stuff worn on the runways and catwalks is joke clothes which is borderline insane and that no real people will wear in this or any other century. They are victims of a culture gone nuts. Does that sound about right?

— Movie (Not Fashion) Fan

Dear Movie Fan,

Dr. Lovemonkey watched the Oscars in a pair of gray sweatpants and an old T-shirt. Needless to say, in terms of fashion, I haven’t a clue. Therefore, your theory sounds about as good as any to me.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.