Shiny, happy people

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I find most people quite boring. Is it me, or is this the truth?

— Tim

Dear Tim,

It’s the truth — most people are quite boring. On the other hand, Tim, you and your letter are tedious. Most people are also kind and thoughtful, well meaning, and trying hard to please. So it isn’t all bad, and sometimes it behooves one to deal with boring people in a way that is not entirely dismissive. The Doctor knows many people who are ostensibly boring, but nonetheless values them for their kindness of heart and other positive qualities. I’ve also met many exciting and interesting people who have turned out to be real shits in one way or another. That’s just the way it is, and I would encourage you to consider the view that goodness of heart always trumps the boring in people.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have never been attracted to Asian men. Is it unusual to feel cold to an entire ethnicity?

— Libby

Dear Libby,

Is it unusual to be largely ignored by an entire gender? I can’t say that it is "unusual" to not be attracted to Asian men, but from Dr. Lovemonkey’s perspective, it is sad. When you’ve had limited experiences with a certain identifiable group of people, there is a tendency to see them as "others." In this case, you can’t seem to get past a person’s ethnic features to get to the individual. There is a flipside to this, in which some people are attracted to the exotic nature of "the other" — someone, in other words, who is attracted only to Asian men because they are Asian men. While a lot of this goes on, it’s unfortunate, because the best stuff occurs only when you can relate as a unique individual, and race or ethnicity is just one ingredient, not the prime attraction or distraction.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been going out with someone who is really a great person, but he looks disturbingly like the actor Charlie Sheen. This may seem to be petty, but I can’t get over it, and I keep thinking "Charlie Sheen" all the time. Is there anything I can do about this?

— Sandy

Dear Sandy,

Well, yeah. Just remember that he (I assume that this is a he) is not Charlie Sheen. I take it from your letter that you are not a fan of Charlie Sheen’s. This guy has most likely not gone out with any of Heidi Fleiss’s stable nor has he necessarily had a difficult time with substance abuse. Of course, Charlie Sheen has apparently gotten past his previous missteps — and this is much to his credit. On the other hand, you may still not care for Charlie Sheen, the actor and the celebrity. That’s okay. Your boyfriend is not — I repeat — not Charlie Sheen. Keep repeating this to yourself. Someone’s unfortunate resemblance to a celebrity is a non-issue. You are thinking too much about Charlie Sheen. Forget about him. You don’t know him, he doesn’t count in your life, and this guy is another guy.

Know that your boyfriend is not Charlie Sheen. I’ll bet your boyfriend knows that he’s not Charlie Sheen. There, I’ve mentioned the name "Charlie Sheen" nine times. Consider that an exorcism. If you happen to resemble Elizabeth Taylor in her youth (A Place In the Sun, 1951), good for you. But you are not Elizabeth Taylor. You are not pals with Michael Jackson, you have not been married more than a half-dozen times, and you are still not Elizabeth Taylor. Got it?

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net