Birthday toot

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My birthday is coming up soon and I believe that many of my friends have probably forgotten the date. Is there an appropriate way to remind them my birthday is coming and that I’d love to receive congratulatory greetings or a nice present? I realize this sounds a bit crass, but I get so disappointed when friends forget my birthday. I try not to forget the birthdays of those who are close to me. I’m sure they feel the same way about me, but may just forget the date.

— Birthday Girl

Dear Birthday,

Your question is a bit on the crass side. To sulk and worry about people forgetting your birthday is being a bit too self-absorbed for Dr. Lovemonkey’s taste. But if you think you would be doing your friends a favor by reminding them about your birthday, you can give them a call, and blurt out, "Gee, I feel so fabulous even though I’m turning (your age) next week." I hope you have a wonderful birthday, but, really, if you’re older than 14, focusing on such things is a little beneath you.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have been seeing someone for almost a year. I’m 26, and she’s 20. We have what seems to me to be a pretty strong and loving relationship. I am always there when she needs me, and she is always there for me, too, up until this point. Her mother, who is in bad health, has decided, however, that I’m "controlling, possessive, insensitive, lacking all social manners," and has told her daughter that if she ever thinks about marrying me, she will not approve. The mother also threatens to disown the daughter if she becomes pregnant by me.

This is totally wrong. My parents would not do this to me, and I am at a loss to understand it. My girlfriend and I are happy with each other, or at least that’s what she tells me. She says she loves me "more than you know," but cannot be torn anymore. She now says she wants to be friends, and that "maybe someday" things can be different. She says she doesn’t want her mother to die resenting me, because that would make her resent me. She also says she cannot function without her family relationship and needs "space and time."

What’s strange is how her mother apparently doesn’t have a problem with us being friends and going to a movie now and then. I’m totally confused. What are your thoughts on the matter?

— Hurt and Frustrated

Dear Hurt,

Your girlfriend seems to have chosen her mother over you. This family pressure and interference is not a good thing, but if your girlfriend has chosen to embrace it, there’s not a whole lot you can do. When a woman says she needs space and time, one best give her space and time. She may actually agree with her mother, but lack the courage to tell you this. If she were as crazy in love with you as you want to believe, she’d be giving you a bit more support and assurance that she will find a way.

It’s time for you to move on and see other people. It’s best to assume that she does not feel as strongly about you as you do about her. If her mother, who is in bad health, leaves this mortal coil (Dr. Lovemonkey hates to be so thoughtless, but there you go), and the daughter is serious about you, she will return to your life. But don’t expect that or wait for it. Move on. You should safely assume that this is over.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net