Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been in a relationship for the past four years with a married man. We have been together except for the three times Iíve been unfaithful. This last happened a month ago. When I have been unfaithful, it was because my boyfriend was neglecting me, and someone else was there saying the right things at the right times.
I want and truly love only the married guy, but he thinks I am a cheater and is sure that I will do it again. I have no intention of cheating again. I say he is a cheater and a liar since he has been cheating with me on his wife for four years. He says this is not cheating, because it is his wife. We love each other very much and are together everyday. What I want to know is, who is the cheater?
_Trying To Make It Work
Now hear this: you are both cheaters, and it would appear, total boneheads to boot. Heís been cheating on his wife for the past four years, and youíve been complicit in his dishonesty and duplicity. And, of course, you will cheat on this cheater again, because he will neglect you again, and youíll feel justified in doing so. Your situation is almost entirely negative. It is a no-win and you are hurting people (his wife, the guys you are using for sex, each other, etc.) all along the way. If you really want to make something work, stop this, tell him to stay with his wife, and find someone who is not otherwise spoken for. Then you might have at least a chance at having a worthwhile relationship.
Another Mental Giant
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been married for 12 years, and have six kids. I have been talking to a guy online for the past seven months, and we have made a real connection. I have subsequently seen him twice, and we are in love. He asked me to marry him, but he is unaware that I am married and have six kids. I don't know what to do, because I want to be with him, but my husband told me that he will kill himself if I leave him. My husband cheated on me seven years ago with my niece. What should I do ó stay with my husband or the other guy?
_Torn and Confused
Have you forgiven your husband for his indiscretion seven years ago, and, to your knowledge, has he been faithful since then? Thatís only a small start. You need professional marriage counseling. As far as your online romance, forget about it! Iím sure the new guy will be thrilled to learn how you have been deceiving him, that you are married, and have six young children. Thatís not exactly starting out on the right hoof.
You are trolling the Internet looking for a magic escape, a way out. You need help to find out if you can make your marriage work, and one of the key questions you have to ponder is, what is best for your children? Escape via Internet romance is not a responsible option.
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Issue Date: September 2 - 8, 2005
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