Bimbos on line

Boy, Phillipe & Jorge wouldn’t miss this for the world. Here’s the proposal your superior correspondents got from Dubya the Dumb’s campaign, giving us the next best thing to 900-number phone sex:

"You’re invited to a first-of-its-kind online chat with Barbara and Jenna Bush, President and Mrs. Bush’s twin daughters, on Friday, July 23rd, in the chat center. Join Barbara and Jenna as they take your questions about their involvement in re-electing their Dad and discuss the importance of hitting the polls in November . . . Now, they speak out about their new role working on the campaign and send a message to all Americans that President Bush is not only a great Dad but the right choice to lead America for the next four years. Don't miss this exclusive opportunity!"

Yep, just leap on to www.GeorgeWBush.com/Chat/, and you can be regaled by the wisdom of the progeny of a Stepford wife and her less than brilliant, war-mongering, truth-challenged hubby. Young Barb and Jenna recently made the headlines for posing in a fashion shoot in Vanity Fair. Surprisingly, Barb’s mention in a recent New York Times’ "Sunday Style" piece by a former chi-chi New York City restaurant hostess did not receive a similar amount of attention. Boy George’s daughter was described as an obnoxious "close talker" with all the sincerity of a carnival barker and someone who nearly parked the tiger in the street after consuming numerous cocktails prior to shaking a tail feather on the dance floor. Nice to see her following in the footsteps of her old man, George D.W.I. Bush.

Hey Dad, how do you spell cat? We’ll spot you the "c" and the "a."

TELL IT LIKE IT IS

This week’s "Truth in Advertising" award goes to Mark Binder, who announced he will run against Patrick Kennedy in a Democratic primary for the First Congressional District seat in the US House of Representatives. In case you haven’t ever heard of Binder, he is the first one to acknowledge it, as he states in his initial press release: "Political unknown Mark Binder announced today that he will challenge incumbent Patrick Kennedy in the September 14 Democratic primary for Rhode Island’s First Congressional District."

Unlike most politicians, who need to grease their egos to get them to fit inside a room the size of the Dunkin’ Donuts Center, Mark is quite clear that to most folks he is "unknown." If only other pols like Cranston Mayor Steve "Laugh at me" Laffey took a clue from this sort of self-realization, rather than jumping in front of any camera in sight when not having personal chitchats with his good buddy, J. Christ.

MEASURE TWICE, CUT ONCE

As longtime scribblers, Phillipe & Jorge can only imagine how pleased government officials must have been to discover a literally monumental typo at the 9/11 memorial at Ground Zero. As www.thesmokinggun.com pointed out on July 15, "In an embarrassing governmental gaffe, an official tribute sign erected on the fence surrounding Ground Zero actually misstated the date of the terror attacks, a glaring mistake addressed only after a visitor recently complained about the error. The sign, which memorialized victims killed in the Pentagon attack, noted that ‘September 11, 2002’ was a pivotal day for the country and the world."

As anyone who may remember that day of infamy knows, the terrorist attack took place in 2001. This is yet another wonderful display of the quality of America’s "intelligence" (sic) agencies.

BOY JOE, SUPERSTAR

Speaking of New York, P&J’s old pal, Boy Joe Paolino, the former mayor of Our Little Towne, had his beads read in the "Hamptons Diary" section of the New York Post on July 14. (We still can’t understand the allure of the Hamptons, which fills each summer with the worst social-climbing parvenus to be seen anywhere on the planet.) Obviously, though, there is an allure for "ambassador" Paolino, as reported below:

"The club is packed, the lines are long, but one person who didn’t need help getting into Star Room last weekend was Joseph R. Paolino Jr.

Paolino and entourage walked past the ropes with ease early Sunday morning after someone in the group inadvertently flipped a doorman one of Paolino’s business cards – the one stating he’s US ambassador to Malta.

Funny because, even as Paolino admits, he’s a former ambassador who served in Valletta from 1994 to 1996 in the Clinton administration.

The good-natured Paolino, without even knowing Diary heard about the exchange by the red ropes, handed over a current business card – a card which states he’s in the realty business."

Just not the reality business, eh, Boy Joe?

CRISPY CRITTER

Well, any hope that our amigo, Superior Court Judge Steve Fortunato, may have had about ever making it to the Supreme Court was effectively fried when he questioned Supremes Chief Justice Frank "Googly-Eye-Mo" Williams’s ability to be fair in serving on Rummy Rumsfeld’s Guantanamo review panel. Citing the four-member panel as a politically cooked star chamber of Dubya and Co. is certainly not the way to get ahead in the cozy local judicial community, and Steve laid it on thick about Williams’s role on the board.

Oh, well, maybe Steve can go into practice with Bob Flanders once the current justice departs the Supremes.

A TRULY SUPERIOR SENATOR

The Washington Post story on the front page of the July 15 BeloJo, on the Senate override of the gay marriage amendment, contained this howler: "Reflecting the polls, some senators expressed reluctance to alter the Constitution to include a divisive social issue, especially at the expense of tampering with traditional state prerogatives over marriage law. Some also said they believed that current laws adequately protect marriage and expressed concern that the amendment would be interpreted as anti-gay."

"Interpreted as anti-gay?" That’s like saying that voting against lynching laws in the ’50s and ’60s might be "interpreted" as being anti-Negro. Give us a break!

And give one big pat on the back to our own Linc Chafee. Is he the only member of the US Senate (Republican or Democrat) who is honest, gutsy, and has some real vision? His statements on the issue will ultimately show that he is a real American hero. We don’t think it was the able and superior members of his staff that enlightened him (we know ’em and we love ’em).We think he’s always been enlightened about superior behavior.

Here’s another quote from the same article that you might want to tuck away for further reference. Matt Daniels, the president of the Alliance for Marriage (whatever that is) was quoted as saying, "Our amendment will continue to gain ground so long as activists continue to strike down our marriage laws in court."

Guess what, Matt? What will really happen is that as more gay men and lesbians marry, the American people, who are sadly clueless on the issue, will notice that it will not make an iota of difference to their heterosexual unions. Just like the addition of sexual orientation to the anti-discrimination laws here in the Biggest Little (and in many other states), people will begin to realize that the right of superior behaviorists to marry will have zero effect on their lives. So congratulations to you, Linc, on speaking out, loud and clear. We suspect that Jack Reed, Jim Langevin, and Patrick Kennedy also know that Linc is speaking truth to power and that they will eventually follow. The difference at this point, we believe, is courage. Senator Lincoln Chafee is the man.

RICK MENDES

We were up against a deadline last week when we heard the sad news that Rick Mendes had died. Many Rhode Island music fans had known Rick for more than 20 years – from his days as leader of the popular Probers, to his later days with the equally popular Blueswagon. Rick was an energetic and hardworking musician and bandleader who took his craft seriously.

Particularly for Jorge, the loss of Rick was a much more personal matter. Jorge first met Rick back in the ’60s when Jorge was a classmate and close buddy of his younger brother, Tod’s. Even in junior high school, they were a pair of kids with talent, energy, and chutzpah. Along with Jorge, Rick was also a camp counselor at the Episcopal Conference Center in Pascoag, a very special place that, not coincidentally, was the early stomping grounds for many great musicians who later made a mark here in the Biggest Little. Ken Lyon, Mark Taber, Jon Holscher, Dave Brooks, Brian Henthorne, the late Bobby Wiegand, and Jocko Safford, among others, are all ECC alumni.

Back in the early ’80s, Jorge did a number of gigs with Rick and the Probers. We had a lot of fun. One of the coolest things that Rick and the Probers did was to record a few rock tunes in Portuguese. Rick knew the language, but Manny, his longtime partner in music, was particularly fluent. He told me that it was his first language before English. Rick Mendes was a huge contributor to the local music scene, a wild and crazy guy, and a true friend. He will be greatly missed in so many ways. Bless you, Rick, for all the enjoyment you provided so many people for so many years.

BELOJO SOLVES HOUSING DILEMMA

Heretofore, there had been no indication that someone in Woonsocket had learned how to convert picket fences into apartments. Phillipe & Jorge demand that Governor Carcieri rush up to 221 Cato St. to witness this modern day miracle, and encourage the rest of the state to solve its affordable housing problems by converting picket fences into apartments.

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