Thanks for the help, Rummy

There was a great front-page article in the New York Times (picked up and run in its entirely in the Urinal, albeit on page 2) on Monday, April 25, about the continued lack of support in resources, human and materiel, for our troops in Iraq. It was headlined, "Bloodied Marines Sound Off About Want of Armor and Men."

The article tells the story of Marine Company E, a crack fighting unit proudly known as "the Magnificent Bastards." Unfortunately, while in Iraq they were short of manpower and armor for their Humvees, which resulted in one-third of their 185 members being killed or wounded, the highest casualty rate of any company in the war.

Without going into infinite detail about their frightening and horrible travails, the piece made some telling points about what the soldiers had to do to survive. (We suspect similar stuff may be ongoing, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld’s recent claims about how our troops will be fully supported notwithstanding.)

Here are a few excerpts:

The unit had less than half the troops who are now doing its job in Ramadi, and resorted to making dummy marines from cardboard cutouts and camouflage shirts to place in observation posts on the highway when it ran out of men. During one of its deadliest firefights, it came up short on both vehicles and troops. Marines who were stranded at their camp tried in vain to hot-wire a dump truck to help rescue their falling brothers. That day, 10 men in the unit died . . .

Sergeant Valerio and others had to scrounge for metal scraps to strengthen the Humvees they inherited from the National Guard, which occupied Ramadi before the marines arrived. Among other problems, the armor the marines slapped together included heavier doors that could not be latched, so they "chicken winged it" by holding them shut with their arms as they traveled.

Their commanding officer was more blunt about the situation, even while remaining diplomatic:

Recalls Captain Royer: "I’m thinking we have our most precious resource engaged in combat, and certainly the wealth of our nation can provide young, selfless men with what they need to accomplish their mission. That’s an erudite way of putting it. I have a much more guttural response that I won’t give you."

His Semper Fi troops also feel betrayed by the Defense Department and support staff.

"I’m checking out," Corporal Winn said. "When I started, I wanted to make it my career. I’ve had enough."

It’s nice to know how much the chicken hawks in Dubya’s administration care about "our most precious resource." (No, Georgie Boy, that doesn’t mean oil.)

THE WRONG TIME

Speaking of the gray lady of journalism, the wonderful cartoonist Tom Tomorrow recently made a wonderful observation on his Web site regarding political analyst Ann Coulter, the radical right’s favorite bimbo, who was recently featured on the cover of Time magazine. He cites two of her more inflammatory and irresponsible past quotes, with a very astute observation:

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

— Coulter, as quoted in the New York Observer, Aug. 20, 2002

"Of course I regret it. I should have added, ‘after everyone had left the building except the editors and reporters.’ "

— Ann Coulter, from an interview with Right Wing News

Tomorrow suggests, "Write the editors of Time and let them know what you think of their decision to feature Ann Coulter on their cover on the tenth anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing."

Hey, chill, Tom. Don’t you know Ann’s a person of faith, like the big phony and one of the most right-wing religious zealots in American politics, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist? He’s the guy who recently burst past Dubya in that race, with his video TV appearance before other frothers. United we stand.

INSULT TO INJURY

Phillipe & Jorge got a chuckle watching ESPN at a local watering hole with no sound, but with the use of closed captions.

Unless you just checked in from Mars or some other planet, you are doubtless aware that former Boston Red Sox legend-in-waiting Nomar Garciaparra, traded to the Chicago Cubs last season, severely tore a groin muscle while breaking from the batter’s box last week. He may well be out for the season, and definitely for an extended period of time. This is yet another debilitating injury of the type he has suffered over the past few years, a pattern, which along with money demands, led to his being dealt to the woeful Cubbies in mid-summer of the BoSox’ championship year.

The sportscasters on the show were saying this might be the end of what was once likely to be a Hall of Fame career, along with those of the two other elite shortstops of the era, Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez. One of the professional ranters referred to Nomar as "Mr. Hamm," an allusion to his famed wife, Mia Hamm, possibly the best women’s soccer player in US history.

Right at this point, as Nomar’s manhood was being challenged, the announcers obviously shifted from calling him "Garciaparra," and the closed captioning, not familiar with the sound of his rather odd Christian name, began using "Naomi" whenever the sportscasters said, "Nomar."

Ouch.

INFLAMMATORY CHASM

Your superior correspondents took particular interest in the BeloJo’s front-page story on April 15, about the giant posters causing much consternation among residents, especially the parents of young children, in an Edgewood neighborhood. Mr. Joseph Manning doesn’t seem to care that the children of the neighborhood may be confused and/or traumatized by these images, which offer graphic depictions of abortions.

Another detail — that swastikas appear on almost all of these posters — was not mentioned in the story on Mr. Manning’s protest. We assume that Mr. Manning, like many anti-abortion-rights activists, is trying to make the point that legalized abortion is a "genocide," somehow akin to the Holocaust.

P&J’s good friend Marilyn, who lives in the neighborhood, was the first person to bring the issue of the swastikas to our attention. We went down to take a gander, and sure enough, there they were on the posters. Marilyn took particular umbrage to this little symbol because she is Jewish, and as she told P&J, a great number of her relatives in Europe were killed in the Holocaust. Marilyn’s husband also happens to be of Armenian descent. Our friend is certainly familiar with genocide, and as she told us with great animation, this is not genocide.

We urge Mr. Manning to look up the word "genocide" in the dictionary. Our Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary describes genocide as "the deliberate and systematic destruction of a racial, political or cultural group." Of course, we doubt Mr. Manning is very interested in such things as history or accuracy. Nor does he care that he is perhaps causing some serious damage to the children of Edgewood. He just wants to inflame. That his comparison of legalized abortion to genocide is completely without merit is of little consequence. In his mind, he’s on a mission from God and his moral certainty trumps all the harm he may be doing to others.

SPELLINGS TEST

All P&J can say about US Education Secretary Margaret Spellings’s praise for Rhode Island’s education system during her recent visit is that we must be in serious trouble. Spellings, a cultural philistine and professional butt-girl for Boy George from their Texas days, is still trying to put a good face on Dubya’s No Child Left Behind program, an under-funded mandate that drives most educators we know absolutely insane.

GHOSTBUSTERS GO TO THE DOGS

P&J received the following press release this week:

From April 13th to April 21st 2005, Valley Rangers Paranormal Investigators Daniel J. Bidondi, Jason L. Bidondi, Nicholas C. Parrillo, Mathew R. Posta and others have been actively investigating increasing reports of paranormal activity in the Lincoln/ Cumberland RI area, focusing in on the Monastery in Cumberland and Lincoln Dog Track.

"Interviews of various Lincoln Track employees and customers revealed a dramatic increase in spiritual and even poltergeist activity," stated Daniel Bidondi, spokesman for the group. "It seems that since BLB, who is actually the Mohegan Indian Tribe began seriously negotiating to purchase the Lincoln Track, many abnormal events began to happen.

"Greyhounds began getting sick, Indian apparitions began to appear and often people felt the presence or were touched by someone when there was no one there. One employee who had worked in Lincoln for over 5 years reported that she was violently pushed and a chair was tossed at her a few minutes after telling another employee that ‘I would love to see the Mohegans build a casino here.’

"These spirits are probably ancestral to the Seaconke Wampanoag," Bidondi went on. "Their recent re-emergence in the media and now in the courts combined with the folklore that builders tore down the historic remains of a large Wampanoag Indian settlement to build this track is a strong indication of what spirits are at work here. Perhaps the Mohegan like the Narragansett were their enemies."

Valley Rangers Paranormal Investigators is a Rhode Island chartered, non-profit organization since 1999 and has investigated paranormal activity in RI, MA and CT.

Later, we also received a press release from the Seaconke Wampanoags that noted, "Wampanoag Chief Wilfred Eagle Heart Greene, was ‘shocked’ to hear of increased paranormal activity in and around the racetrack in Lincoln and the Monastery in Cumberland. ‘This could be very bad medicine,’ the chief exclaimed. ‘Medicine men have told me to expect this, but, well, you know, who wants to seriously talk about ghosts today?’ "

We wouldn’t want to suggest the Valley Rangers Paranormal Investigators might not be the ultimate investigative unit in this part of the Milky Way, but we really would like to know which Lincoln Track employees are experiencing poltergeist activity. We spoke with a couple of people who work at the track and they have no idea what the Valley Rangers are talking about.

One other thing: how come the ghosts waited a few hundred years after, say, King Philip’s War, to act up? Apparently, the ghostly ancestors have as keen an interest in gambling as the current tribal members.

ARF, ARF!

Why do your superior correspondents find it a little difficult to accept that someone whose nickname is "God’s Rottweiler" — a.k.a. Pope Benny XVI — is infallible? We are sure the Big Sir is quite pleased.

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