‘From the makers of Smallville’ Plus Whoopi, The Mullets, Rob Lowe, and HBO BY JOYCE MILLMAN
	Fall Preview 2003 American sweethearts From Courtney Love to Gina Gershon and the Garage Girlz BY MATT ASHARE Fall safe After a summer of sequels, the real films return BY PETER KEOUGH Curtain time From Of Mice and Men to Bat Boy:The Musical BY BILL RODRIGUEZ Mega-moves Fall brings a full slate of choreographic delights BY JOHNETTE RODRIGUEZ ‘From the makers of Smallville’ Plus Whoopi, The Mullets, Rob Lowe, and HBO BY JOYCE MILLMAN

Reality series, retro sit-coms and Smallville wanna-bes — here’s a night-by-night guide to the fall TV season.

SUNDAYS

ABC. The new cop show 10-8 (8 p.m., premieres September 28) stars Danny Nucci as a wise-ass rookie in the Los Angeles sheriff’s department and Ernie Hudson as his unamused trainer. Alias (9 p.m., September 28) returns for another season of exquisitely taut spy thrills. Dylan McDermott and Lara Flynn Boyle are out of The Practice (10 p.m., September 28); James Spader and career-challenged guest stars Sharon Stone and Chris O’Donnell are in.

CBS. Producer Jerry Bruckheimer (CSI) delivers another crime drama, Cold Case (8 p.m., September 28), this one starring Kathryn Morris as the lone woman on the Philly police department’s homicide squad.

FOX. Fox unveils its new Sunday slate on November 2, with the season premieres of King of the Hill (7:30 p.m.), The Simpsons (8 p.m.), and Malcolm in the Middle (9 p.m.), as well as The Ortegas (8:30 p.m.), which is about a Mexican-American teen who broadcasts a talk show from his parents’ back yard, and Arrested Development (9:30 p.m.), which stars Jason Bateman as a single dad who has to run the family business when his father (Jeffrey Tambor) lands in prison.

HBO. The hallowed 9 p.m. slot is filled (for seven weeks, anyway) by the new supernatural drama Carnivale (September 14), which is set in the David Lynchian world of sideshow freaks circa the Great Depression. Well, it’s not actually a David Lynch show, though the dancing dwarf from Twin Peaks is in it. The new series K Street (10 p.m., September 21), produced by Steven Soderbergh and George Clooney, has actors interacting with actual political figures in a heavily improvised drama about Washington politics.

NBC. Rob Lowe’s new drama Lyon’s Den (10 p.m., September 28), also set in DC, finds the disgruntled former co-star of The West Wing playing "the maverick scion of an American political dynasty."

WB. The Frog continues to retell hoary legends for a new generation with Tarzan (9 p.m., October 5). The Ape Man is a Calvin Klein underwear model (okay, he just looks like one) in present-day New York City, and Jane is a beautiful cop who befriends him. From the executive producer of WB’s teenage-Superman hit Smallville.

MONDAYS

ABC. Monday Night Football (9 p.m.) returned September 8.

CBS. September 22 marks the return of Everybody Loves Raymond (9 p.m.) and CSI: Miami (10 p.m.). The creepily titled Two and a Half Men (9:30 p.m.) stars Charlie Sheen as a swinger (hey, there’s a stretch) who opens his home to his divorced brother (Jon Cryer) and young nephew. Hilarity ensues.

FOX. Joe Millionaire (8 p.m., October 20) has a new guy and a bunch of women who were apparently living in caves last spring when Fox pulled the con the first time around. The new drama Skin (9 p.m., October 20), another Jerry Bruckheimer production, has gotten a lot of well-earned buzz. This is a visually addictive Romeo-and-Juliet tale about the son of a Los Angeles district attorney who falls in love with the daughter of the porn king his dad has sworn to take down.

NBC. Fear Factor (8 p.m., September 22) is back to show us what people will eat for money. The flashy new drama Las Vegas (9 p.m., September 29) details the exploits of an elite casino security team headed by James Caan. James Caan, people! Show Sonny Corleone some respect!

WB. The family dramas 7th Heaven and Everwood return September 15.

TUESDAYS

ABC. The new sit-com I’m with Her (8:30 p.m., September 23) was co-created by Brooke Shields’s husband. It’s about an average guy who marries a movie star. And then, we presume, discovers it makes a great career. Teri Polo and David Sutcliffe star. September 23 is also the date for the season opener of NYPD Blue (10 p.m.).

CBS. Mark Harmon stars in the new drama Navy NCIS (8 p.m., September 23), which is "inspired by JAG" — a nice way of saying, "It’s the same show!" Harmon is Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs of the Naval Criminal Investigative Service. David McCallum — who’ll always be The Man from U.N.C.L.E.’s partner, Ilya Kuryakin, to me — co-stars as medical examiner Dr. Donald "Ducky" Mallard. Well, okay, maybe he’ll be Ducky Mallard from now on. The Guardian (9 p.m.) and Judging Amy (10 p.m.) are back September 23.

FOX. 24 returns October 28. Jack Bauer has another really bad day.

NBC. Whoopi (8 p.m., September 23) stars Whoopi Goldberg as "ex-diva Mavis Rae, a cigarette-smoking, alcohol-drinking, menopausal, and especially opinionated hotelier." Night Court’s John Larroquette and Cybill’s Christine Baranski star in Happy Family (8:30 p.m., September 23), which is about a couple whose adult children all move back home. Frasier stays at 9; Law & Order: Special Victims Unit moves into the 10 p.m. slot. Both premiere September 23.

UPN. The ’80s hairstyle otherwise known as "business in the front, party in the back" sure was funny. But can you build a sit-com around it? Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein (The Simpsons) try with The Mullets (9:30 p.m., September 16), which is about two mullet-sporting brothers with Loni Anderson for a mom.

WB. Gilmore Girls (8 p.m., September 23) is paired with the new teen drama One Tree Hill (9 p.m., September 23), which is about half-brothers — one a sensitive loner, the other an arrogant jerk — who compete for the same girl. Like everything else on the WB, it’s from the producers of Smallville.

WEDNESDAYS

ABC. A Boston Irish-Catholic blue-collar guy who works in his father’s bar becomes engaged to a Protestant upper-class woman who goes to Harvard. His dad is a bigot; her dad is gay! That’s the premise of the sit-com It’s All Relative (8:30 p.m., October 1). Lenny Clarke plays the dad who is not gay. Carla Gugino (Spy Kids) takes the J. Lo role in the new drama Karen Sisco (10 p.m., October 1), which is based on Steven Soderbergh’s movie Out of Sight (itself adapted from Elmore Leonard’s novel). Sisco is a US marshal on Miami’s Gold Coast.

CBS. The King of Queens (9 p.m, September 24) moves from Mondays. David E. Kelley’s new drama The Brotherhood of Poland, N.H. (10 p.m., September 24) is the story of three brothers and their no doubt gratuitously shocking and unbearably quirky lives. Randy Quaid and Mare Winningham star.

FOX. In the sit-com A Minute with Stan Hooper (8:30 p.m., October 29), Norm Macdonald plays a New York TV commentator who moves to a small Wisconsin town for a more authentic American experience. Enter Fred Willard as the local cheese mogul. From Newhart creator Barry Kemp. The Mac — Bernie Mac — is back at 9 (October 29).

NBC. Ed (8 p.m., September 24) dodges a bullet for another season. The West Wing (9 p.m., September 24) carries on in the wake of creator/writer Aaron Sorkin’s departure. Executive producer John Wells takes over; his writing staff includes his former China Beach partners John Sacret Young and Carol Flint. Law & Order (September 24) stays at 10.

UPN. Enterprise (8 p.m., September 10) takes the old Buffy slot, followed by Jake 2.0 (9 p.m., September 10), a Six-Million Dollar Man update about a computer geek who becomes a nanotechnologically enhanced secret agent.

WB. Smallville (8 p.m., October 1), from the creators of Smallville, moves to a new time slot. Angel (9 p.m., October 1) keeps the Buffy flame alive, adding the Slayer’s vampire love Spike (James Marsters) to the cast. This though he seemed to have died in the Buffy finale.

THURSDAYS

ABC. It’s not THE Matrix, it’s Threat Matrix (8 p.m., September 18), the adventures of an elite terrorism task force working under the Department of Homeland Security. No truth to the rumor that Tommy Lee Jones is playing Tom Ridge. Extreme Makeover (9 p.m., September 18) expands the hit reality special into a weekly series. Watch as ordinary people are transformed into ordinary people who’ve had plastic surgery.

CBS. The granddaddy of reality shows, Survivor (8 p.m., September 18), sets a course for the Pearl Islands. I don’t know where that is, exactly, but I bet there are big nasty bugs there. CSI (9 p.m.) opens its new season September 25, as does Without a Trace (10 p.m.).

FOX. Eliza Dushku, the ass-kickingest bad girl on TV during her run as Faith on Buffy, gets her own series, Tru Calling (8 p.m., October 30). She plays a morgue worker mysteriously gifted with the ability to go back in time and prevent people’s deaths. I don’t suppose she’ll be wearing the leather pants in this?

NBC. September 25 is the big night for the final-season opener of Friends (8 p.m., 45 minutes); that’s followed by a 45-minute season opener of Will & Grace and the premiere of Coupling (9:30 p.m.), an American version of the show known as "the British Friends." ER (10 p.m., September 25) soldiers on.

FRIDAYS

ABC. The network brings back its "TGIF" logo for a comedy block that includes the new sit-com Hope and Faith (9 p.m., September 26), which stars Faith Ford as Hope (that’s confusing!) and Kelly Ripa as Faith, sisters who are nothing like each other.

CBS. The drama Joan of Arcadia (8 p.m., September 26) stars Amber Tamblyn as a teenager who gets messages from God. Mary Steenburgen and Joe Mantegna are her perplexed parents. The aforementioned JAG (9 p.m., September 26) now airs on Fridays. Joe Pantoliano (The Sopranos) puts his head back on and stars in his own series, The Handler (10 p.m., September 26), which is about an FBI agent training new recruits in Los Angeles.

FOX. After a lot of Friday drama flops, Fox starts the night with the returning comedy Wanda at Large (8 p.m., September 26); it’s followed by the new sit-com Luis (8:30 p.m., September 26), which stars Luis Guzman as "the Puerto Rican Archie Bunker." Boston Public (9 p.m., September 26) moves to a new time slot.

NBC. Alicia Silverstone (Clueless) attempts a comeback in the drama/comedy Miss Match (8 p.m., September 26), in which she plays a divorce lawyer with a talent for matchmaking. It’s from executive producer Darren Star (Sex and the City). Last year’s best new series, the multi-character cop drama Boomtown (10 p.m., September 26), returns in a new time slot. Please watch it.

WB. An African American family and a white family share a house together in the new sit-com Like Family (8:30 p.m., September 19). Arthur Anderson, the hefty co-star of Barbershop, plays a struggling actor and single dad who moves in with his parents in the new sit-com All About the Andersons (9 p.m., September 12).

SATURDAYS

Unless you’re a fan of The District, Hack, or America’s Most Wanted, you’ll probably want to rent a movie.